Duty

When I have a duty, I always try my best to fulfill my responsibility. Because I get paid for this job. I don't want to eat something from the money I don't deserve.
Sometimes I always be the weird one in a crowd, I become the unique among the rest.
I always hope to have partner who has the same intention with me in this way. To be honest, to be faithful and responsible. I will feel sorry if I can't fulfill my responsibility. I can't do something not in the time. I want to be 'On Time'. To not come late is my way of life. I want to be the first to wake, the first to go and the first to arrive.
If I have to attend an event in 07.00 am so I will come at least 06.45 am. If I have something to do at home in that morning, so I will wake up in 04.00 am, then I still can do it before I go.
To come to an event early, to wake up early, to go to work early and to perform salat on time are my priorities, my way of life, and something that have a deep relationship with my pride. Once I break that rule, it hurts my pride.
I always have these kind of behave, too, just like Throwing garbage/trash in its place, cleaning my room and my boarding house frequently to keep it clean and healthy. Use to lining up and try to not take other people's rights to get the best they should have.
I like to do something positive and that activity satisfied me. I like reading books, writing and learning. I am not always good in every matter but I always try.
Sometimes I feel that there are only two kinds of people who knows me: they are who not love me, they hate me. There are only two, the one who loves and the one who hates. I am hatred in many ways by people.
Maybe I am the way too hateful by some people.
I often try to be more acceptable to everyone but I think not everyone could accept me :D
I always feel sad everytime I think about my private life. I don't have any girl friend to be my bestfriend to talk about my problem with them. Yeah, I just keep it for my self. That's why sometimes I really want to get married soon. But I don't have any picture about the one who will become my husband. Although I have someone in mind. But I don't know If Allah will meet me with him or not.
I always try to put my trust only in Allah. I don't really think so serious in people's point of view. I know only Allah and I trust only Allah.
There is a big problem in my life. So hard for me to be in such situation but harder for me to get out from this situation, too. I always think about my past life. I think, all the problems that happen to me now are come from my mistakes in the past.
I once lying to my friend because someone ask me to do that. This is not lying by saying something but she wants me to hide something from my friend. She wants me to keep this matter alone because of some particular reasons. Something like this, actually, really hurt my pride. I, who always try my best to be fair, to be honest and faithful, was forced to do something like that. And I regret it till now, although because of this matter I got to know the true face of my friend in the end.
My friend had been always jealous at me in everyway, she said. My friend doesn't want to get paid from my bank account (our salary was transferred to my account that time), she doesn't like me to be more successful than her, to have more job than her and all... I heard it from my bos that time but I never believe that. All I know, she is a good friend, we share everything together, we buy something the same and she often come to my place eventhough she comes to my place not for me but to have a date with his boyfriend. She hides his boyfriend from her parents so she always come to my place as an excuse to her parents to have a date. This behavior is the only thing I don't like from her, but I still can tolerate it.
When everything comes so sudden, I got promoted and she didn't, all of this friendship suddenly broken. She hates me without exact reason, not only her, but also her boyfriend and all of her family. I don't why. What did I do. If I got promoted and she didn't, then that's my fault?! I just like a girl who walks in crowded and suddenly got picked by random interview in the middle of the way and that's my fault?is that my fault to walk in that road?is that my fault to go out from home that day?but that day is the beginning of my suffering days I get later...
As time goes by... I get to know that all have happens to me is a learning of a lifetime. I think all my positive thinking, my behavior and my daily life were form from here....